He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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