Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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