If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i believe in u and ur pee
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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