I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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