Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
