fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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