so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
