Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
