She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
