Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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