he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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