literally had 100 drinks last night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
