dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
