you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
