Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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