Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
