guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
