everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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