He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
