He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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