Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
