cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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