i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
