A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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