fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
