I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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