I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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