happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
