my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
