i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
