i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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