were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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