mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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