Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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