Plan B is the new Plan A
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize