He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
