I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
