I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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