just come out here and I will go home with you...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
