jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
