no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
