if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
