"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
