she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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