why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
