But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
