You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
