he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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