if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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