Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
