your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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