I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
