you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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