Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you never un-have a 4some
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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