Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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