Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize