I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
