FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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