I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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