I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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