he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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