I am in a vortex of obligation.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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