R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
