what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
