Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
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My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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