I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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