Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
