I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
do nipples grow back?
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