if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize