so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
