Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish you could order shots online.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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