and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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